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Dear Dr. Saltzman,
 
Last year visited a gynecologist/fertility expert for help getting pregnant.  He carried out tubal surgery and gave me tablets to help me get pregnant and said I should contact him once I get a positive pregnancy test, (to identify the implantation site as I have a high risk of ectopic due to the surgery). Well to our delight, I became pregnant (naturally), exactly 1 year after and immediately booked a scan with him. I had began to spot that morning and had some pain, I told him this. prior to this 3 days I had not felt myself, almost walking around not knowing what I was doing almost in shock. (I found out it was one of the sign of an ectopic).
 
Anyway he began the scan.  with nurse present.  He took ages and then after moving the vaginal probe inside me for a while the nurse questioned what he was doing. I heard him say that he was taking a few measurements. I could see on the screen he was counting my follicles. anyway he took the probe out and I don't know where this nurse went.  All the way through he seemed unable to concentrate and kept staring at my privates and his face expressions indicated he was enjoying himself. anyway I was in pain, anxious and wanted to know everything was ok.  I never thought anything of it.  He then asked me where my husband was and I explained -  He was at home looking after [a serious problem with another family member|.  I had indicated an appt for the following morning when I booked in, so my husband could be with me, but he told his secretary he needed to see me the evening before at his private clinic.  I was his last appt.  Anyway, I took my friend who sat in the waiting area.    
 
Anyway he took the probe  again and began to massage inside me - I kept looking at the monitor and him and at the time honestly thought, he was checking for something, .  until suddenly i felt this pain and then remember wondering why I was having an orgasm.  Any way the look on my face showing the pain etc made him pull the probe out, he did not look like he was impressed, then he gave me this look that, well he looked at my privates and me up and down with a look of disgust on his face.  I was horrified, then announced It was an ectopic and that I should get dressed.  He came right up to me and said "please get dressed for me with a pervert look on his face, and stood and waited for me to do as instructed by then the nurse walked in and he instructed her to get me dressed, and then walked away.
 
Anyway, I was stunned and as he walked away he looked me up and down and winked!  He was reluctant to go.  I burst into tears at hearing it was ectopic and my friend was called in to calm me down.  we were asked to go into the other room where HE was, we sat down and my friend began to counsel me. he said nothing, except, I knew that there was a high risk of ectopic and it was factored into the treatment info from the start.

I began to remember stuff afterwards.  I remember he was looking at my legs and privates and panting. I cannot remember where his other hand was and then I remember his pupils were dilated he had big bug eyes when I looked at him,  (remember I said, i was looking at the monitor and then him I was so anxious).  Afterwards, I began to remember his facial expressions, he was getting off on it all, eew!  It definitely was wrong.  I feel angry that I never said anything to him.  I was just so shocked and was not sure whether what I was seeing was right.  I just did not know what was happening to me.  I feel such a fool.  I completely trusted this guy and he really let me down.  See the thing is I thought they see so many privates they would not react like this ever and even if they felt something they would remain professional.  I only went to him, because everyone else i had been to, said they could not help. He is only one in the area that does this surgery and can help women with very low ovarian reserve like me, or i would have gone to a woman expert in the first place.  So I began to think back to our first consultation and He was great, reassuring, infact too reassuring.  I remember him saying when my ovarian reserve test came through he "had to get these tubes open" and after said  "you will get pregnant - just be positive".  He always looked at me funny right from the start,always looked at me from top to toe and always blushed. always overly nice and  blushed when he saw me. even made appts for me and my husband se we could both attend, he know our situation.  I thought he was like this with everyone and was doing it for our custom.  we paid for our op and treatment.  My friend also agreed that he blushed when i went for the scan and looked at me from top  to toe.  Also now I will not be able to find anyone who can help me and I feel so let down.  What he did is wrong on every level but it is driving me mad, absolutely insane, why did he do it?  My friend Say's it seems he just liked me and that these kind of people don't have a life and it is work work work and they just must get their needs met via patients, even thought his is wrong.  I don't believe this, What was the disgusted look for at the end of the scan. I don't get that, It was as if He expected me to scream my head off in pleasure and he was not happy. I don't consider myself to be pretty, or extraordinary.

The hospital staff told me that the pregnancy does not show up on the scan until 7 weeks or hcg reading of 1 or 2 thousand.  He knew this, so why did he call me in immediately.  I know he is a real creep and i will never go back to him and feel that the dream of having a baby is over.  However, why did he do it.  He See's women's bodies all day long,  why did he perve over me.  It's like he is a wolf in sheep's clothing waiting for an opportunity.  He took advantage of the fact I was vulnerable and seized the opportunity, but for what.  what an idiot.  I am married and happy and it goes without saying, anyone that comes to him with fertility problems had undergone so much upheaval emotionally that if that relationship was not special I would not be stood asking him for his help.  Did I do something wrong?      Did he think, I was not worthy of his help. did not deserve children, so he wanted to mess me about.  I mean I don't know if I ever will conceive but the stress of this is not helping.  Do you think he knows this and does not want me to get pregnant naturally and gave me all this stress, so I will have no choice but to return to him?
I am going positively nuts!  Why did he give me the disgusting look then straight after came over to perve and wanted me to get dressed in front of him.  . After the scan he just did not say much. I wasn't looking at him, but my friend said he just had a blank expression on his face.  I got no reassurance.  He just said I am sorry, to which I replied it was not his fault, he then said.  I know it's not my fault, i am sorry for and I cannot remember the rest.  i was disgusted.  So what the hell was that all about.  I had no idea what a nut job he is.  All the reassurance he gave me at the start indicates he has a caring nature, but then what happened?  He could did not know what to say after the scan. or was this because he was shocked and sorry for what he had done or scared.  It seemed he could not wait to get rid of me.  Or is he just a narcissistic bastard!  I have only told my gp but cannot pursue this as I feel I would not be able to cope with the stress and i cannot be stressed.  I will try and conceive naturally

Ijust need you to tell me if you can with your super human brain.  what the hell was going on in his head.  This guy is at the top of his field - has websites all over the internet about how good he is. lectures and has several private practises.  I don't think I was totally irresistible to him, that's bullshit.  He knew the hell I had been through to try and get pregnant and that this is probably going to kill me this trauma.  OR does he not think about his consequences?  But he can't or he would not be able to do this type of a job - right?  He is highly intelligent - took years to get to where he is -so why?  Am i so disgusting to him that he wanted to hurt me.

I have not been in touch with him and will not be contacting him.  However, if say he did like me - he would have been in touch to see if I was ok and to arrange further treatment-right?  If he hates me he could have told me he could not help me.  So what next-how can I get over this?  I hate him for doing what he did, and for spoiling my chances of treatment and a baby.  but on the other hand, I saw his true colours and got a chance to protect myself. He's an unattractive man. That's why i picked him. coz I did not want anyone attractive to be fiddling about down there! Ha Ha.  To me the uglier the better Ha ha! I gonna be sick!! please help.

[name withheld]







ask dr-robert





Dear [name withheld]--

First let me say that I am sorry for your suffering. There is a lot of pain and loss in your personal history, and I wish you the strength to continue living with the positive attitude which you have shown in the past, and which I am sure is necessary to deal with this setback as well as with the family you already have. [some personal details of her story have been removed since she is concerned about being identified]

To answer your question directly and the best I can, male sexuality is strange. It can be tender and loving under the right circumstances, but often rough and totally selfish. Apparently, this doctor of yours has not come to terms with his own sexuality and so uses his office to get little thrills for himself instead of properly serving his patients. Unfortunately there are psychiatrists and psychologists like that too, and I receive many complaints about them, such as the psychiatrist who offered a young woman who could not afford his fee or the medication, a prescription and another hour of therapy in exchange for fellatio.

As for why you and not some other patient?: He may be like this with other patients too—probably is—but perhaps he found your body or your vagina particularly stimulating for one reason or another. Actually, none of that matters one whit. A doctor has a responsibility to do his (her) job without getting involved in his own personal needs and desires. If he cannot do that with a particular patient for whatever reason—sexual desire, racism, political disagreement, whatever--he is duty-bound to refer the patient to another doctor who can treat the patient the way she or he deserves to be treated, as a patient, and with total and complete respect.

In my opinion, you should report this doctor to the hospital and to the local medical society. Yes, you have no proof, but the complaint will be on his record, and if some other women also complain, eventually he will be found out. If you want to see his web page again, try using the waybackmachine to find it. It may show up.

As for the racist aspect [she is of African ancestry|, I am sorry to say that many human beings like to see the "other" as lesser. This is terribly sad, since all of us are totally equal under the skin, and a medical doctor should know that better than anyone.

In any case, you have done nothing wrong. I advise you to try to put this out of your mind entirely. There is no sense or reason in any of it. Clearly you have run afoul of a poor excuse for a human being, and that is the entire story. None of this is your fault. None of it. I am sorry you were abused, and I encourage to to keep trying to conceive a child if that is what you desire.

Be well.




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