Dear
Dr. Saltzman,
Last year visited a
gynecologist/fertility expert for help getting pregnant. He
carried out tubal surgery and gave me tablets to help me get pregnant
and said I should contact him once I get a positive pregnancy test,
(to identify the implantation site as I have a high risk of ectopic
due to the surgery). Well to our delight, I became pregnant
(naturally), exactly 1 year after and immediately booked a scan with
him. I had began to spot that morning and had some pain, I told
him this. prior to this 3 days I had not felt myself, almost walking
around not knowing what I was doing almost in shock. (I found out it
was one of the sign of an ectopic).
Anyway he began the
scan. with nurse present. He took ages and then
after moving the vaginal probe inside me for a while the nurse
questioned what he was doing. I heard him say that he was taking a
few measurements. I could see on the screen he was counting my
follicles. anyway he took the probe out and I don't know where this
nurse went. All the way through he seemed unable to concentrate
and kept staring at my privates and his face expressions indicated he
was enjoying himself. anyway I was in pain, anxious and wanted to
know everything was ok. I never thought anything of it. He
then asked me where my husband was and I explained - He was at
home looking after [a serious problem with another family member|. I had indicated an
appt for the following morning when I booked in, so my husband could
be with me, but he told his secretary he
needed to see me the evening before at his private clinic. I
was his last appt. Anyway, I took my friend who sat in the
waiting area.
Anyway he took the
probe again and began to massage inside me - I kept looking at
the monitor and him and at the time honestly thought, he was checking
for something, . until suddenly i felt this pain and then
remember wondering why I was having an orgasm. Any way the look
on my face showing the pain etc made him pull the probe out, he did
not look like he was impressed, then he gave me this look that, well
he looked at my privates and me up and down with a look of disgust on
his face. I was horrified, then announced It was an ectopic and
that I should get dressed. He came right up to me and said
"please get dressed for me with a pervert look on his face, and
stood and waited for me to do as instructed by then the nurse walked
in and he instructed her to get me dressed, and then walked
away.
Anyway, I was stunned and as he walked away he
looked me up and down and winked! He was reluctant to go. I
burst into tears at hearing it was ectopic and my friend was called
in to calm me down. we were asked to go into the other room
where HE was, we sat down and my friend began to counsel me. he said
nothing, except, I knew that there was a high risk of ectopic and it
was factored into the treatment info from the start.
I began to remember stuff
afterwards. I remember he was looking at my legs and privates
and panting. I cannot remember where his other hand was and then I
remember his pupils were dilated he had big bug eyes when I looked at
him, (remember I said, i was looking at the monitor and then
him I was so anxious). Afterwards, I began to remember his
facial expressions, he was getting off on it all, eew! It
definitely was wrong. I feel angry that I never said anything
to him. I was just so shocked and was not sure whether what I
was seeing was right. I just did not know what was happening to
me. I feel such a fool. I completely trusted this guy
and he really let me down. See the thing is I thought they see
so many privates they would not react like this ever and even if they
felt something they would remain professional. I only went to
him, because everyone else i had been to, said they could not help.
He is only one in the area that does this surgery and can help women
with very low ovarian reserve like me, or i would have gone to a
woman expert in the first place. So I began to think back to
our first consultation and He was great, reassuring, infact too
reassuring. I remember him saying when my ovarian reserve test
came through he "had to get these tubes open" and after
said "you will get pregnant - just be positive". He
always looked at me funny right from the start,always looked at me
from top to toe and always blushed. always overly nice and blushed
when he saw me. even made appts for me and my husband se we could
both attend, he know our situation. I thought he was like this
with everyone and was doing it for our custom. we paid for our
op and treatment. My friend also agreed that he blushed when i
went for the scan and looked at me from top to toe. Also
now I will not be able to find anyone who can help me and I feel so
let down. What he did is wrong on every level but it is driving
me mad, absolutely insane, why did he do it? My friend Say's it
seems he just liked me and that these kind of people don't have a
life and it is work work work and they just must get their needs met
via patients, even thought his is wrong. I don't believe this,
What was the disgusted look for at the end of the scan. I don't get
that, It was as if He expected me to scream my head off in pleasure
and he was not happy. I don't consider myself to be pretty, or extraordinary.
The
hospital staff told me that the pregnancy does not show up on the
scan until 7 weeks or hcg reading of 1 or 2 thousand. He knew
this, so why did he call me in immediately. I know he is a real
creep and i will never go back to him and feel that the dream of
having a baby is over. However, why did he do it. He
See's women's bodies all day long, why did he perve over me.
It's like he is a wolf in sheep's clothing waiting for an
opportunity. He took advantage of the fact I was vulnerable and
seized the opportunity, but for what. what an idiot. I am
married and happy and it goes without saying, anyone that comes to
him with fertility problems had undergone so much upheaval
emotionally that if that relationship was not special I would not be
stood asking him for his help. Did I do something wrong?
Did he think, I was not worthy of his
help. did not deserve children, so he wanted to mess me about. I
mean I don't know if I ever will conceive but the stress of this is
not helping. Do you think he knows this and does not want me to
get pregnant naturally and gave me all this stress, so I will have no
choice but to return to him?
I am going positively nuts! Why
did he give me the disgusting look then straight after came over to
perve and wanted me to get dressed in front of him. . After the
scan he just did not say much. I wasn't looking at him, but my friend
said he just had a blank expression on his face. I got no
reassurance. He just said I am sorry, to which I replied it was
not his fault, he then said. I know it's not my fault, i am
sorry for and I cannot remember the rest. i was disgusted. So
what the hell was that all about. I had no idea what a nut job
he is. All the reassurance he gave me at the start indicates he
has a caring nature, but then what happened? He could did not
know what to say after the scan. or was this because he was shocked
and sorry for what he had done or scared. It seemed he could
not wait to get rid of me. Or is he just a narcissistic
bastard! I have only told my gp but cannot pursue this as I
feel I would not be able to cope with the stress and i cannot be
stressed. I will try and conceive naturally
Ijust need you to tell me if you
can with your super human brain. what the hell was going on in
his head. This guy is at the top of his field - has websites
all over the internet about how good he is. lectures and has several
private practises. I don't think I was totally irresistible to
him, that's bullshit. He knew the hell I had been through to
try and get pregnant and that this is probably going to kill me this
trauma. OR does he not think about his consequences? But
he can't or he would not be able to do this type of a job - right?
He is highly intelligent - took years to get to where he is -so
why? Am i so disgusting to him that he wanted to hurt me.
I have
not been in touch with him and will not be contacting him. However,
if say he did like me - he would have been in touch to see if I was
ok and to arrange further treatment-right? If he hates me he
could have told me he could not help me. So what next-how can I
get over this? I hate him for doing what he did, and for
spoiling my chances of treatment and a baby. but on the other
hand, I saw his true colours and got a chance to protect myself. He's an unattractive man. That's why i picked him. coz I did not want
anyone attractive to be fiddling about down there! Ha Ha. To me
the uglier the better Ha ha! I gonna be
sick!! please help.
[name
withheld]
Dear [name withheld]--
First let me say that I am sorry for your suffering. There is a lot of pain and loss in your personal history, and I wish you the strength to continue living with the positive attitude which you have shown in the past, and which I am sure is necessary to deal with this setback as well as with the family you already have. [some personal details of her story have been removed since she is concerned about being identified]
To answer your question directly and the best I can, male sexuality is strange. It can be tender and loving under the right circumstances, but often rough and totally selfish. Apparently, this doctor of yours has not come to terms with his own sexuality and so uses his office to get little thrills for himself instead of properly serving his patients. Unfortunately there are psychiatrists and psychologists like that too, and I receive many complaints about them, such as the psychiatrist who offered a young woman who could not afford his fee or the medication, a prescription and another hour of therapy in exchange for fellatio.
As for why you and not some other patient?: He may be like this with other patients too—probably is—but perhaps he found your body or your vagina particularly stimulating for one reason or another. Actually, none of that matters one whit. A doctor has a responsibility to do his (her) job without getting involved in his own personal needs and desires. If he cannot do that with a particular patient for whatever reason—sexual desire, racism, political disagreement, whatever--he is duty-bound to refer the patient to another doctor who can treat the patient the way she or he deserves to be treated, as a patient, and with total and complete respect.
In my opinion, you should report this doctor to the hospital and to the local medical society. Yes, you have no proof, but the complaint will be on his record, and if some other women also complain, eventually he will be found out. If you want to see his web page again, try using the waybackmachine to find it. It may show up.
As for the racist aspect [she is of African ancestry|, I am sorry to say that many human beings like to see the "other" as lesser. This is terribly sad, since all of us are totally equal under the skin, and a medical doctor should know that better than anyone.
In any case, you have done nothing wrong. I advise you to try to put this out of your mind entirely. There is no sense or reason in any of it. Clearly you have run afoul of a poor excuse for a human being, and that is the entire story. None of this is your fault. None of it. I am sorry you were abused, and I encourage to to keep trying to conceive a child if that is what you desire.
Be
well.
