Hi
I am a male 28 years old
heterosexual, I have a phobia or I don’t know if it is defined as a
phobia, I got scared & really disgusted when I see young girls
(especially under puberty age) if they are warring makeup, what it
that about?
thanks for your time
Hazem-
I wonder if
somewhere in yourself you feel attracted to young girls, and the
makeup accentuates their appeal.
RS
Dear Dr.
Robert,
Thanks for your answer, but can you please be more clear
about the word "attracted" because it frighten me if you
imply "sexually" because I have never ever felt that way,
if you believe it could be some subconscious thing that i am not
aware and i need therapy please advice. because i really do like kids
boys & girls, and i am planning to get my own when i get marry
soon and i prefer death than have such a disgusting feeling, if some
how i do have it..
I really do appreciate your time answering my
letter.
Hazem-
Well, at a distance
I cannot tell if this fear and disgust has a basis in sexual
attraction or not, but it might. However, there are other
possibilities too, so please do not start to worry unnecessarily. In
order to clear up and doubts, and to get some help with the problem,
I think it would help you to speak with a psychologist about this.
This is not something that I can do via email.
I wish you well,
RS
Dear
Dr.Robert,
Thank you very much for spending your time reading and
answering my question, I sincerely appreciate your effort to help
me.
I was already planning to visit a psychologist after I get
married & have children to ask him about the my believe as an
atheist & if I should not pass it to my kids when they ask about
"god" since I observed that children tend to do that a lot
in my community, and I guess it wouldn't hurt to bring up my fear
subject too.
& thank you for your wish.
sincerely,
Hazem
Hazem--
You are
most welcome. I suggest that you speak with the psychologist before
your marriage--the sooner the better. This will have many advantages
for you, and no downside at all.
May you have a happy life,
RS
Dear Dr.
Robert
Since our discussion yesterday I had most of the time
thinking and analyzing my feeling of mix emotion (fear & disgust)
of young girls wearing makeup, actually I tend to overanalyze
everything which most of the time gives me pain but on the other hand
helps me in a good way to understand things & to question
anything & everything.
I reached the conclusion with a high
probability of me have some sort of berried emotion of sexual
excitation toward young girl, although I am sure I had no eructation
not in the past “as an adult” nor in the presence. What
really astonishes me is that I deeply despise people who had a thing
for children! And I have not ever imagine that someday I could be one
of them “on some level”
I thought about the possibility that
maybe I also hate myself without being aware of that, as a reason for
hating those people, but I am sure that I am not, in fact I really
think that I love myself more than other people do.
I reached my
conclusion based on analyzing the letter I wrote you yesterday; since
this is the first time I discussed this feeling with anyone, the fact
that I describe myself to you as a “heterosexual” in the first
sentence of my letter reveals my deep problem, and in the second
letter I notice me being over defensive to your proposal might be to
deny myself to discover the true reason behind my fear, finally I
think the whole thing is about my first girl friend she was 12 years
old and I was 13 years old I still remember my extreme feeling toward
her like it was yesterday & maybe I am still not over her yet and
every girl in her age I see now remind me of her, so whenever I saw a
girl in that age I get excited by remembering her “although I am
truly not aware of that” so I feel fear & disgust to the idea
of me being attracted to that range of age which represent my first
girlfriend.
I wrote to you this letter as thanks for your effort
to help me and I thought that I should share this information with
you because it might add something to your experience to help other
people.
I took your advice and I am going to visit a psychologist
next week.
Sincerely,
Hazem
Dear
Hazem--
You are a most intelligent and honest man. Congratulations
on your self-analysis which seems to be creating some openings towards self-understanding. You
have done well. Please try to find a psychologist who will be able to
hear you, see you, and understand you, so that you can go further with this. If the first one does not seem
adequate, look for another. Sometimes it takes more than one attempt
to find the right person for you, but a search will be more than
worthwhile if it results in finding the right match.
As for your
observation that, "maybe I also hate myself without being aware
of that, as a reason for hating those people," this is what
psychologists call "projection," and you might like to
research that term on google to read a bit about it. It is completely
normal; only very advanced self-observers are able to rid themselves
of that particular defense mechanism (another psychological term you
might like to google).
Thank you for keeping me informed.
Be
well.
