Dear
Dr. Saltzman,
My name is Christian Burke. I am 22 years old,
currently living in Switzerland.
First I suppose I should
start with a little basic background information. I was born in
Switzerland but spent most of my life in Asia. My parents separated
at a young age and I was passed between them from time to time. Both
of them were in business and moved often, meaning from 3 to around 15
I never lived in one place for maybe more than 2 years maximum. I
suppose I could say I was a relatively average child save for the
fact that most teachers were frustrated with my apparent high IQ (or
potential) being attached to a general lack of interest for anything
I did not find personally stimulating (perhaps a mild form of ADD,
but then, it is quite common in most children).
I have studied
psychology on and off for the past 6 years, I began in college with
BA Psych as my major and eventually moved on to Sociology and
Theories of Personality (mostly leaning toward the more research
based focus rather than the medical) the field of research always
interested me since I am quite a meticulous person with an
appreciation for gaining personal knowledge.
Over the past few
years I have noted a large difference in myself compared to most
people. I have mainly come to the conclusion that I am most possibly
a Sociopath (perhaps having some other form of Psychosis or
Psychopathy). I am a compulsive liar (perhaps a better term would be
pathological) though of course for the sake of feeding my own
personal curiosity I will be completely candid in this letter. I am
of slightly above average IQ and though not exactly a genius most
people see me as much smarter than I am due to the fact that I tend
to be quite eloquent in my general speech and demeanor.
Of
course along with a certain amount of higher education and greater
ability to grasp information I do often find myself looking at 95% of
general people with some contempt or distain over their own inability
to understand what I often see as "obvious". One of these
reasons I find it easy to learn, adapt or otherwise focus on
processing information is the fact that I generally don't allow
emotions to take any precedence over logic. This often makes me see a
lot of people as inferior due to their lack of ability to segregate
their emotions from facts.
I tend to be indifferent and rarely
feel true joy (or what I believe I would classify as joy). I have
never truly loved someone. I use the word from time to time but never
for unselfish or unstrategic reasons. The few emotions I do feel are
mostly frustration or dislike (I use the word dislike because I have
never been moved to the point of what defines hated). My ease with
lying and a well practiced talent in acting out what I feel is
appropriate for the occasion makes most people think I am a
completely normal, kind, funny, well rounded, overall nice guy.
Though at times I feel regret, it is only over a failed endeavor or
mistaken choice. I don't feel guilt. I know the basics of what guilt
should feel like and it just does not happen with me, on a side note,
though I understand people and how they act or feel I generally seem
to lack empathy.
Though I feel distaste for violence (I have
never felt any urges to hurt animals or people who have not wronged
me) I am not above accepting it as a viable option. I once planned
out the murder and disappearance of an individual who was threatening
my father and my life on multiple occasions and only decided on
another course of action because I found a smarter solution. I took
no joy or excitement from the event and actually tried to postpone it
for as long as possible until I had exhausted all other options, I
felt indifferent about it really, I just wanted to swiftly clear up
something that was a blatantly obvious physical safety and financial
problem.
I have had a few "serious" relationships
and though I like the sense of social contact as well as the physical
benefits I grow bored quickly and mostly keep things going as long as
possible for the sake of keeping up appearances or keeping certain
social ties stable. I never feel depressed, to be honest I find the
idea of depression rather pathetic.
I have a few friends, I
suppose I could call them that since I am a little fond of one or two
of them and would be annoyed if I were to lose them even though they
can offer me no personal gain whatsoever, though I mostly keep others
around for the fact that they can amuse me and keep me from feeling
bored at times. I try to keep a certain amount of friends so as not
to seem anti-social or draw attention to myself as a possible loner
though I have no problem at all severing ties and simply moving
on.
I have on more than one occasion in the past cultivated
friendships for personal use, people see me as a very "loyal"
and "kind" person when it comes to friends, of course it is
not for unselfish reasons and I have more than once used that trust
and friendship to let someone take my place on the chopping block
(figuratively speaking of course) though never for anything really
big or bad. Though I do have a sense of superiority at times, I am
not so naive as to think myself infallible, I can admit to myself
that I have certain hidden socially unacceptable quirks and though I
feel contempt for most people, I have a great deal of respect for
experienced or well learned individuals.
I suppose I could
give more information but to be honest I believe this is already more
than enough to paint a clear picture of me as a person. I am writing
this letter to you as a sort of personal release (I have always
wanted to have the luxury of showing at least one person who I really
am under this persona I cultivated over the years) and also I suppose
to get a clearer picture of myself (psychologically) as an individual
from a professional. I don't know if I would like to change, the
possibility seems intriguing but also a little discomforting over the
idea of how overwhelmed I might feel by things like guilt and other
emotions if I ever did change.
Is there a more specific way to
descibe what I am? Am I a sociopath? Psychopath? Or am I just a self
serving jerk trying to justify his own lack regard for his own
humanity? I am neither homicidal nor naturally violent, which is a
good thing, but the other factors do make me wonder.
Thank you
for any help or information. I would find a professional opinion
quite refreshing.
Respectfully yours,
Christian
Burke
Hello, Christian--
Yours
is a well-written and thoughtful letter which deserves a reply. To
cut to the chase, although I never offer a firm diagnosis without a
personal interview, your story demonstrates many aspects of a
sociopathic or psychopathic personality. Besides the ones you already
know about, such as ease of lying, lack of guilt—all the stuff on
Dr. Hare's checklist--you evince a certain attitude which, although
not specifically limited to the psychopathic mind, I see often in
those I would call sociopathic or psychopathic. In fact, this
particular point of view is so frequently associated with a
psychopathic outlook, that it may provide one marker for diagnosing
sociopathy, although I have never seen it on an index of criteria for
such a diagnosis. I refer to your assumption that someone is
"inferior" due to "lack of ability to segregate their
emotions from facts."
This arrogant outlook of yours, including the distain for others of which you seem so proud, along with your unquestioned assumption of personal superiority, is purely narcissistic, and gives credence to the theory, championed by Dr. James Masterson among others, that sociopathy is simply the extreme end of a continuum of neurotic personality disturbance which begins with generalized feelings--often unconscious--of shame and/or fear of abandonment, and progresses from mild narcissism with its excessive needs for attention and approval, to pathological narcissism, including continual self-justification and manipulation of others. According to this view, when neurotic disturbance moves even further along that spectrum, one encounters states of mind beyond simple narcissistic personailty disorder such as the overt anti-social behaviors and criminal attitudes sometimes called psychopathy.
Is this the refreshment you said you wanted?
Be
well.
